"Meat first, THEN soccer!" - Kicking and Screaming - Umberto (Joseph Sicari)

When in Rome…or South America…
     It's FIFA World Cup Soccer time and the games are in Brazil.  All of the world (excluding the United States) goes crazy this time of year, rooting for their country's soccer team.  Although married to a German and having dated a weekend soccer player in Houston, my excitement level for soccer was right up there with stepping in dog poo.   
​     This time it's different.  Everyone in Uruguay is excited - and it lasts for weeks!  I have found myself watching game after game.
      La Celeste is the Uruguayan soccer team - ranked 7th in the world.  The day of Uruguay's first game, last Saturday, I went into town to buy groceries and building supplies.  Flags were flying everywhere, on cars, motorbikes, horses, and even people.   In the air was a contagious - firecracker - 4th of July - feeling.   Streets, sidewalks, and shops were all crowded with everyone buying the equivalent of "tailgate party supplies."  In Tienda Inglesa (sort of a Target-type store) the employees wore blue wigs, giant Cat in the Hat things, and La Celeste jerseys.  There are even Lay's potato chip bags dedicated to the Uruguayan team. I caved and bought an Uruguayan car flag - which caused my husband to keel over in laughter.
     Sadly, Uruguay lost their first game to Costa Rica.  Another match today though against England and soccer's newest fan will be right in front of the telly, watching and cheering for La Celeste.

 "It's not the years, honey. It's the mileage."
- Raiders of the Lost Ark - Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) 

     Today I celebrated my first birthday in Uruguay!  I have to say, we have partied like nobody's business this weekend.  Thursday night was an impromptu party with a friend who stopped by, Friday night was a dinner party for another friend and his family, and Saturday was a double-doozy with a dinner party for a neighbor and then on to a big neighborhood gathering at 9:30.  Yes, 9:30!  I have to take naps and drink coffee before partying with these night-owl Uruguayans.  Today a neighbor stopped by with a bottle of wine for me and an invitation for lunch tomorrow.  Whew!  Who knew other hemispheres could be so entertaining?
     The rains that would not stop in January have led to much erosion and a large sinkhole on the road to our chacra.  Since we are on a private road with 23 other chacras, all the neighbors are responsible for road maintenance.  Last night was a neighborhood party/meeting to discuss the road work needed.  We were able to meet most of our neighborhood.  The warmth and kindness of Uruguayans never ceases to amaze me.  Kisses and hugs all around, of course.  
     The meeting was  better than a movie!  There was much discussion about the road.  (I love it when grown-ups raise their hands to talk!)  One man seemed to be in charge, but every once in awhile the system broke down with people getting up and walking around for unorganized breaks.  At that point, much clapping for attention and a little yelling got people back on track.  
     My Spanish is not good, but I kept hearing my name in the discussion.  Finally, I asked a neighbor sitting next to me to translate.  Seems like someone nominated me as bookkeeper for organizing the road work funds.  Good heavens - what were they thinking?   Thank goodness, the party host volunteered his services for that.  
     I am grateful beyond belief for the new friends and neighbors.

"Generally you don't see that kind of behavior in a major appliance." Ghostbusters - Dr. Peter Venkman (Bill Murray)

     I've read and heard that many things don't work well in Uruguay -  tales of  water heaters purchased here lasting only a month and lawnmowers lasting a week.  Of course, I dispelled those tales with much disbelief and suspicion of the story-tellers.  Ha!  I am officially one of the story-tellers now.
     I am of the notion that rejects from every product-testing facility in the world ends up for sale here in Uruguay.  It's not just items that are made in China (of which there are many).  Our entertainment last night (since we couldn't watch the Super Bowl) was the Lightbulb Game.  After experiencing lightbulb failure time and again with brand new lightbulbs, we played a guessing game, guessing which country produced ours. My husband gave me 5 guesses, then 15, then 25, before he took pity on my brain.  The answer:  GE lightbulbs made in ----- HUNGARY!  Huh??
     Lightbulbs are one thing; noise level is another.  Our brand new Whirlpool refrigerator (yes, made in China) is the loudest refrigerator on Planet Earth; when the compressor shuts off, we all take a deep sigh of relief.  The refrigerator has nothing on the stove exhaust fan however.  In fact, a small airplane taking off from our porch would be quieter.   
     Not functioning at all is a common occurrence.  In six short months we can sadly report failures from the following new items:  a coffee maker, a gas oven (twice), an electric heater, several light fixtures, Direct TV, a security system, and last, but not least:  our toilet and its multiple, broken seats.  Infinite patience is required...

“Don’t think and don’t worry.”  -  The Incredibles - Helen Parr (Holly Hunter)
"Don't worry…" seems to be the phrase most used in Uruguay.  

1. Building - Don't worry; it's not going to fall down.
2. Window Purchasing - Don't worry; it's not going to leak.  You have a porch.
3. Roofs - Don't worry; it won't blow off.
4. Septic Tanks - Don't worry; you won't smell a thing.
5. Bees - Don't worry; they only try to build a hive in your house in May and possibly in September or October....
6. GPS - Don't worry; you can't possibly get lost going to...
7. Appliances - Don't worry; they will fix it when it breaks, if they can get the part.
8. Horses - Don't worry; horse poo is good fertilizer, just step over it.
9. Banks - Don't worry; the bank will open soon (3:00 p.m. in summer).
10. Mud - Don't worry; it will wash out.
11. Propane Gas - Don't worry; they will come to fill the tank in a few months.
12. Electricity - Don't worry; you have a generator.

"I'm sure I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about." - Mary Poppins - (Julie Andrews)

     Driving here is like driving bumper cars at an amusement park.  I’ve learned to swerve in and out of lanes without signaling (that only confuses things here), drive down the middle of the road while searching for potholes, pass motorcycles with 4 people on them, and sneak quietly past gauchos riding their horses on Sundays. 
     Potholes are by far the most disturbing thing here – some are big enough to swallow a VW Beetle!  However, in preparation for the massive load of Argentinians and Brazilians who will vacation here for December – February, they start repairing the roads in September.  By next fall, they will be full of potholes one again, because they don’t do a very good job of filling them.  The Uruguayan reasoning:  someone will always have a job filling the holes!
     Building is coming along nicely – I have learned more than I ever wanted to know about framing, building supplies, and roof trusses!  
​     Today I was able to speak English to a window supplier.  I know when I find someone who finally speaks English, I talk their heads off!  My Spanish is still leaving a lot to be desired.  I have finally learned to pronounce two “ll”s like a ZZZZHHH sound, rather than a Y sound like we do in Texas and Mexico.  Pollo – chicken – is POHZHO.  Kind of like pohshow.   Whoo hoo, it’s different and does not sound like the Spanish we hear in Texas – sounds more like French to me.

"Go sell crazy somewhere else; we're all stocked up here." – As Good As It Gets - Melvin (Jack Nicholson)

     Garbage - There is no garbage pick-up in the campos (countryside) or in smaller towns in Uruguay.  
You take your garbage bag and go drive until you find a public container.  The containers looked like a treasure chest, when we first visited Uruguay!
     If you have a house on the highway or main road, you will usually have some kind of a wooden bin to hold the garbage.  If you are like us (not on a main road), you just take your garbage and either sneak it in someone else's bin or take it to one of a very few nearby drop-off spots.   You learn very quickly not to overfill the bag or LEAKAGE!!
     I felt like a CRIMINAL the first time I put our garbage in someone else's bin.  The garbage fairies seem to come and haul it away in a day or two.  The hardest thing is remembering to take it with you when you leave home.  Who wants to do that?
     Girls - I saw a group of young ladies by the side of the road on the way to town one day. There is one spot under some giant eucalyptus trees where they always stand.  I thought they were pretty girls (however dressed a little strange) waiting for a bus.  I did notice there was no bus stop there.  Nope, I quickly learned they were waiting for something else, it turns out.  Since I had seen them so often, I asked our neighbor about them.  They are CALL girls - and I am not talking cell phone calls... They are even out there in the MORNINGS.
     Prostitution is not against the law in Uruguay unless you are a minor.  It is regulated with education on sexual health, etc.  According to regulations - prostitution must be performed in brothels (in Uruguay they are called  “whiskerias”.  And all this time, I thought the Whiskeria we pass on the way to our house was a bar! 
     Before I knew what a whiskeria really was, I once I took the bus to Montevideo by myself.  Upon returning home, I needed to tell the driver to let me out at the nearest bus stop to our home.  As it is located across the highway from the Whiskeria, I thought that would be the best landmark to tell the driver.  So I shouted out, "Necesito salir en Whiskeria".  (I need to get out at the Whiskeria.)  The entire busload of people fell out laughing; from my accent, they understood I didn't know what a Whiskeria really was.  The driver let me out and I swear, everyone on the bus was hanging out of the window, watching to see where I went.  When I ran across the highway to get into the truck with my waiting husband, they all cheered.  Bets were probably placed on where I was going!   
     Gasoline - I dreaded the filling up the truck's gas tank for first time in Uruguay.  I postponed doing so until I was running on fumes.  I was postponing this as long as possible, because I wasn't exactly sure of the procedure.  (It's the same crazy theory of why I don't go to Sonic or any complicated drive-through in the States.  Go figure...
     It turned out to be much easier than in the U.S.  There is no self-serve for gas here; it is like the U.S. in the 1960's and early 70's.  Attendants ask how much NAFTA (the word for gasoline in Uruguay) you want.  They pump the gas, clean the front (and back!) windshields, and  take your payment.  (You always tip them nicely.) I didn't even get out of the car.  All that dread and worry for nothing!

"We do not follow maps to buried treasure and X never, ever marks the spot." - The Last Crusade - Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford)

     The 4th outing I took driving the truck in Uruguay was interesting, to say the least.  It was terrifying driving a stick shift with all the motorcycles and the roundabouts.  I thought it would be easy on a Sunday morning and I would practice using the GPS we have, to ensure I wouldn't get lost.  WRONG!  
     I was simply going to a department store about 30 minutes away and I did know the way.  However, a bit nervous, I punched "Devoto" (the name of the store) into the GPS unit and dutifully followed Miss GPS lady's instructions.  After awhile, I realized that Miss GPS was taking me on a route that was very different, but I thought, "OK, I'll learn a new way!"
     Oh no, she took me to a Devoto store in an entirely different town in the opposite direction. By the time I realized this, I was too far into it to stop.  The problem came with a major detour, accompanied by many policemen.  I detoured and this really threw Miss GPS for a loop.  She took me down dirt roads, through little residential streets, and through at least 30 turns.  FINALLY, I ended up in the Devoto parking lot in the town of Piriapolis, not Punta del Este, as I wanted.  
     Still dizzy from all the detours and turns, I stumbled into the store for yet another adventure. I saw a bin of unpackaged bed sheets.  They were perfect to line the curtains I was sewing back at our house.  As I looked at the price sign on the bin, I realized that the prices was by weight - per kilogram.  I had never seen that before (and I have never seen it since).  There was a scale nearby, but no one to work it.  So, being resourceful, I went to the produce department with my sheet and politely asked the young man there to weigh it for me. (Side note: in nearly every supermarket, there is a person who must weigh your produce before you buy it.)  He nearly doubled over he was laughing so hard.  He (between giggles) pointed me back in the direction of the linen department.  As I walked away, I heard him still laughing - guess I made his day!   I finally found someone to weigh my sheets ($8.00) and made my way back to the truck.  
     Since I had no idea how to get home, I was again at the mercy of Miss GPS.  This time, she took me on a very scenic route down the beach - with beautiful views of the Atlantic.  Just as I was smiling and beginning to like her, she demanded that I turn right and turn left.  This would have been fine, except she guided me directly into a Cowboy (Gaucho) parade with at least 50 people dressed in historic costumes on horseback.  That was exciting for about 4 minutes, until I realized I would be stuck following them and waving to those on the sidelines for the next hour, if I didn't find another route on my own.  Pooh on you, Miss GPS. I made lots of turns, all with her screeching at me to go back, turn around, etc.  Finally I made it to a spot of her liking and she calmed down enough to give me directions back home.  What a Sunday drive!

"Since when can weathermen predict the weather, let alone the future?" - Back to the Future - Marty McFly (Michael J. Fox)

     We THOUGHT we were rejoining technology by getting a TV and a Direct TV satellite dish. Unfortunately, for the first 2 weeks all we had was black and white TV - even the American channels. Seems like we've gone back to the early 1960's!  I'm hoping it's the weather.
     Color is now working on the TV.  We only get a few channels in English.  Oddly enough, the very first movie I watched was Back to the Future.  So appropriate!  When Marty Fly goes back to the 50's from 1984 to see his hometown, the first two things he sees are still in action here in Uruguay.  He sees a gas station where the attendants pump the gas for customers and a car driving with a loudspeaker on top making announcements.   Yep, I see this every day!